Sunday, December 4, 2011

A Weekend of Weirdos

In an attempt to take a break, not only from grading horrendous research papers, but also from thinking about this person who has been avoiding me all weekend, I'm going to try to reflect on some of the weird patrons I had the pleasure of waiting on this weekend.

1. Birthday Girl. I approach a 3-top (girl: approximately 20-ish, guy: approximately 20-ish, and woman: over 50-ish). They are friendly, and I ask the woman what she would like to drink. She replies with "Today's my birthday!"
Miss: Happy Birthday! Don't worry about us embarrassing you--we don't do that around here.
Lady: That's okay! Guess how old I am!
Miss: You're beautiful! I couldn't possibly guess!
Lady: [goading] Guess!
Miss: Really, I don't think I could possibly--
Lady: Guess! [points to girl] This is my granddaughter.
Miss: Well, I really don't know! Hmmm...55?
Lady: [beaming] ...65!
Miss: You are gorgeous! Happy Birthday!

$3 on $43 -- Great...

2. 2-top: Mom and son. Son is older, approximately 18/19. They are a little funny--weird.
Miss: Can I get you started with something to drink?
Mom: Do you have sweet tea?
Miss: Sorry, we only have unsweetened tea.
Mom: What about Raspberry?
Miss: Sorry, we only have unsweetened tea.
Mom: [chuckling] Oh, you just said that.
Miss: That's okay.
We work out the drinks, and I return to take their order.
Miss: Are you all set to order?
Mom: Well, I only get one thing when I come here, and I can't remember if it's enchiladas or the chimichanga (sp).
Miss: Well, since we don't have chimichangas, I'd have to say it's probably enchiladas.
This is only funny because they are regulars whom I've waited on before, and she took quite a bit of time with the menu. You'd think that if we offered chimichangas, they would be on the menu.

3. 4-top: All older women.
Miss: Ladies, can I get you started with drinks?
Woman: I need a large, large, large, large water, and extra, extra, extra lemons.
2nd Woman: I'll have that too.
Miss: We do have homemade lemonade, if you'd like.
2nd Woman: I need decaf.
Miss: Lemonade is decaffeinated.
3rd Woman: Yeah, it is decaf.
2nd Woman: Well, I need Splenda.
Miss: ... [brings them 2 waters, a pound of lemons, and Splenda...ugh]

4. 4-top: Dad, Mom, 2 small children (a boy and a girl)
Miss: Can I get you started with drinks? [mom and dad both order, then they turn to the kids]
Boy: Raspberry iced tea
Miss: Sorry buddy, I don't have Raspberry iced tea.
Boy: [eyes welled with tears, he turns to his father] Why did we have to come here??
Father: [to me] How about a Sprite?
Boy: [to father] I don't want a Sprite! I want Raspberry iced tea.
I ended up bringing him a Sprite, but he did not lift his head from his pout for the rest of their experience. He didn't eat, drink, or utter a word the entire time.

That's all I've got.


PS In the Spell Check process, it, of course, picks up chimichangas, and the suggestions are "shortchanges," "mechanics," and "shamanic." Too funny.

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