Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Not-so-Friendly Update

Well...I got a response, but it was not the one I was looking for. He's pretty pissed. Apparently, I'm playing the victim. I'm trying to be open and honest with him, yet somehow I'm playing the victim and turning everything on him. He says I forget who I'm mad at--well, not only am I mad at him for ending a sentence with a preposition, but the intent of the first two portions of the email was to express how angry I was with myself for letting things go that far.
I felt as though my intent was smooshed by his ego or something. He described what he wanted in a friend, and all I read was "me," "me," "me" and then a finally a little bit about the other person. It's clear that it's all about him. He even said that he doesn't need this drama. That's funny! It's not like I'm calling him all hours of the night, texting him, blowing up his facebook, and talking smack. I've kept our relationship between us! WTF?? I don't want drama either, but I guess that's the price I pay for expressing my feelings.
This post is all up in the air. I'm stressed. I've been at work for nearly 12 hours, and I am ready to go home...and do more work. Great.

Tomorrow: Class 12:30 - 2:20 / 2:30 - 4:20

Monday, November 28, 2011

Friendly Upset

I'm blogging about this here because making a Facebook status about it would most likely create some waves, and I pretty sure my friends are sick and tired of hearing me cry about this particular subject. Here goes.
I have a friend; one whom I consider to be close. We hang out once a month or so, and we are friendly, but not romantic. We both know that our personalities will clash in a romantic relationship, but we are still attracted to one another and, supposedly, we value our friendship.
Recently, I came to the realization that, although I was not "catching feelings" for him, I was waiting around for him to make some kind of move, even though we are not dating. It made me realize that I want something real, and, clearly, what we have is not real.
I approached him one day and told him that we needed to have a conversation. I wanted to discuss this realization face to face. I was closing the restaurant that night, which did not fit into his schedule, so I asked when we could get together to talk. He didn't really have an answer, but he did have a bunch of excuses about this own schedule, etc. that would force us to not see each other for a couple of weeks. So, I, passive aggressively told him that I would send him an email, rather than wait 2 weeks to get this off my chest. He didn't really have a rebuttal.
I waited four days, hoping that he would call, text, or write, but when he didn't, I started to evaluate our friendship a little bit. If my friend told me he wanted to have a conversation, I would do whatever it took to get in touch with him and let him know that I cared about whatever was weighing on his mind. When I got nothing, I realized that we weren't the kind of friends I thought we were. Then I got to thinking that everything had been on his terms, in his way, on his time, and I bowed in submission, just for that inconsistent closeness.
After four days, I wrote him a pretty long email...that was Sunday. On Tuesday Night/Wednesday morning, he responded saying that was the first time he had seen the message and he would respond, but he didn't have time at that moment. He assured me he wasn't ignoring me. Now, today, I still have yet to see a response. I almost wrote him and told him to not bother responding. I'm just happy to get that all off my chest.
What a piss-poor friend. I just feel duped. I feel like now that I'm calling the shots, he is pissed or feeling degraded in some way. He's been calling the shots for months now, so I decided to take the bull by the horns, and now he doesn't like it. That's what his lack of response is telling me. It just sucks because I don't want to lost him as a friend, but I think that's how this is going. I don't know. We'll see.
I just realized that this is the first time I have written about the Miss's life outside of the myriad occupations...whatever.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Class Cancellation

So, I've decided to cancel classes on Wednesday b/c I know that I will have sporadic attendance, and because I just feel like it. I'm not sure what I'd do with them anyway. Regardless, today, I'm going over some upcoming due dates, important dates, etc., and I mention that I will be cancelling class on Wednesday. My "prize" student says, "What Wednesday?" I say, "Not tomorrow, but the next day." That clears it up, then I have another student say, "Wednesday, November 30th?" Now, why on God's green Earth would I cancel class NEXT Wednesday?? Besides, they already know that their research papers are due 11/30, so why would I cancel class when they have papers due? I have some winners, I tell ya.
I'm late to my 2:30...gotta go!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Hey, That Alpaca Bit Me!

So, I have extremely vivid dreams that I typically record, but most of the time I don't need to because they stick in my head like memories I have from another dimension of the universe. Last night, I dreamed...
I'm taking midnight stroll, in a nightgown, through an expansive field, and I come upon a large river. There is a bridge to my left, and a rope swing in front of me. Even though the bridge is clearly the safer passage, I choose the rope swing. I take a leap of faith and barely make it across the muddy water. I walk up the bank to a path that leads through a pleasant wooded area. As I'm walking, peacefully, I hear some rustling in the brush off to my left. At first, I figure that it is a fox, and I think to myself that it won't hurt me--instead, it will probably just run off because it's more afraid of me than I am of it. I'm not nervous, until I realize that it's not a fox. Suddenly, an alpaca comes out of the brush, rushes towards me and bites me! He's an angry alpaca! I start off running, and he comes after me--in full chase! I run for a while before noticing there is a chain-linked fence off to my right and what seems to be a drop-off to a concrete landing of sorts. I decide to jump the fence in an attempt to escape the wrath of this alpaca. I land safely, in my nightgown and bare feet, and when I turn around to check the status of my pursuer, I see that he, too, has jumped the fence, like some sort of Billy Goat, landing on all fours mere feet behind me. I continue running away from this crazy alpaca, and now I'm back in a wooded area. Up ahead, I see what seems to be a map. As I approach, I see that it is, indeed, a map that is hand-drawn and colored in with crayons. It shows a cul-de-sac off to my right, that clearly has no way out, and up ahead is a picture of a carnival slide (the ones you slide down with a burlap sack). I head in that direction, but I wake before reaching any destination. I woke up this morning thinking of alpacas.

I typically look up key words or actions in my dreams, just out of curiosity. I have several Dream Dictionaries; however, I am well aware that our dreams are interpretations of our experiences and memories, and sometimes the definitions in the dictionaries have to be taken with a grain of salt. My dictionaries had nothing about alpacas (or llamas), but I did find some information online. Nothing about alpacas, sadly, mostly about llamas.

"To see a llama in your dream represents deep trust, strength and endurance. It may also mean that you are worrying too much and carrying too many problems."

"A Llama in dream may associate with socialised impulses, feelings or sexuality. But Llama in it's country actually is a beast of burden. So it may mean hardiness. Llama is a gentle animal, so it may bring you the message of gentleness in your attitude."

Tomorrow: Class - 8:30 a.m. - 9:50 a.m./Server - 5:00 - Close

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Inspired by a Co-worker

Today - Class: 8:30 a.m. - 9:50 a.m. / 6:00 p.m. - 8:50 p.m.

Today, on Facebook, a co-worker asked me for my blog address. I sadly admitted that I hadn't updated my blog in nearly a year. From that post, I was prompted to check my blog. I was surprised that it hasn't been quite a year, yet, but I am definitely rounding that bend.

Update: I am no longer a secretary! I am currently an adjunct instructor, teaching 4 English classes a local college. I am still working at the restaurant to make ends meet, but I am out of that hellish secretarial world that bogged me down for far too long. I definitely have some funny stories that I could share. So, perhaps I will pick up the blogging game again.

I hope this is a Welcome Back post, and not just a fleeting moment of updates...

Tomorrow (Wednesday) - Class: 12:30 p.m. - 2:20 p.m. / 2:30 p.m. - 4:20 p.m.