I'm blogging about this here because making a Facebook status about it would most likely create some waves, and I pretty sure my friends are sick and tired of hearing me cry about this particular subject. Here goes.
I have a friend; one whom I consider to be close. We hang out once a month or so, and we are friendly, but not romantic. We both know that our personalities will clash in a romantic relationship, but we are still attracted to one another and, supposedly, we value our friendship.
Recently, I came to the realization that, although I was not "catching feelings" for him, I was waiting around for him to make some kind of move, even though we are not dating. It made me realize that I want something real, and, clearly, what we have is not real.
I approached him one day and told him that we needed to have a conversation. I wanted to discuss this realization face to face. I was closing the restaurant that night, which did not fit into his schedule, so I asked when we could get together to talk. He didn't really have an answer, but he did have a bunch of excuses about this own schedule, etc. that would force us to not see each other for a couple of weeks. So, I, passive aggressively told him that I would send him an email, rather than wait 2 weeks to get this off my chest. He didn't really have a rebuttal.
I waited four days, hoping that he would call, text, or write, but when he didn't, I started to evaluate our friendship a little bit. If my friend told me he wanted to have a conversation, I would do whatever it took to get in touch with him and let him know that I cared about whatever was weighing on his mind. When I got nothing, I realized that we weren't the kind of friends I thought we were. Then I got to thinking that everything had been on his terms, in his way, on his time, and I bowed in submission, just for that inconsistent closeness.
After four days, I wrote him a pretty long email...that was Sunday. On Tuesday Night/Wednesday morning, he responded saying that was the first time he had seen the message and he would respond, but he didn't have time at that moment. He assured me he wasn't ignoring me. Now, today, I still have yet to see a response. I almost wrote him and told him to not bother responding. I'm just happy to get that all off my chest.
What a piss-poor friend. I just feel duped. I feel like now that I'm calling the shots, he is pissed or feeling degraded in some way. He's been calling the shots for months now, so I decided to take the bull by the horns, and now he doesn't like it. That's what his lack of response is telling me. It just sucks because I don't want to lost him as a friend, but I think that's how this is going. I don't know. We'll see.
I just realized that this is the first time I have written about the Miss's life outside of the myriad occupations...whatever.