Tonight was slow.
Slower than the average Thursday.
Haven't figured out why, but whatever.
I was scheduled to close, and by the way the evening was going, it looked like it was going to be an early night...until four tables walked in 10 minutes before the dining room closed.
Two 1-tops, a 2-top, and an 8-top. I had the undeniable pleasure of waiting on one of the 1-tops, a man in his mid-to-late thirties. When I first greeted him, he asked to move to an area of the restaurant that had better lighting. After he moved, asked obnoxious questions about the menu, and changed his order twice, he asked to move to the bar. Well, he wanted to sit at a cocktail table to watch the game, and the bartender didn't want anymore guests than I did, so I just kept the table. His food was up wicked fast since the kitchen was trying desperately to close, and when I delivered his entree, he asked if I ordered the other entree we had discussed. "No, I didn't, I thought you changed your mind," I said, kind of surprised that the man wanted another entree. He then asked if I would mind ordering it for him anyway. He looked at the entree in front of him and told me that the other entree couldn't be any bigger than the one he had in front of him. I responded by telling him that all of entrees were of generous proportions, and I told him that if he's going to order it, I should order it expediently considering the time ticking away. He told me to go ahead and order it. Well, I've never seen an entree fly out of that kitchen faster, but he had it within minutes. After I delivered his second entree, he started asking about one of our appetizer "dips." By this point, I didn't want to order ANYTHING. The KM was already pissed that four tables walked in when they did, and now this guy was being a douche and ordering a ridiculous amount of food. The guy then asked me what his tab was up to. I printed his check for him, and showed him. He decided against the app--thank God. Then, he asked what we offered for dessert!
Grand total: 1 Beverage and 2 entrees = $19.31. I saw a $20 on the check, and he was standing by the cocktail table. I started clearing, and left the money where it sat. He asked me if it was okay if he ran to his car to get my tip. I shrugged my shoulders, a little uncomfortable about this conversation, and told him it was fine. He ran out to his car and returned in less than two minutes (meanwhile, I went and got the change for the bill, I rounded to $0.75). He told me that he couldn't find any more change in his car, and he handed me $0.31. Then he mentioned how he wasn't going to be able to pay the toll...so I told him if he needed the change, it was really okay. What else was I supposed to say?? He took the $0.75 and left his $0.31...weird. And he will still be a quarter short for the toll.
And to think, if only he hadn't been a COMPLETE glutton, he would have had the money to tip his waitress.