I thought everybody did.
Apparently, I offend.
Truthfully, I know that I can offend; I just generally don't care.
Evidently, I've offended my boss. Well, that's never my intent, but it does happen from time to time. To clarify, this is the boss from my secretarial job (FFL: Flatulent Fearless Leader). He called me into his office yesterday to discuss "the happenings" from Friday.
Preface: Friday afternoon, we had a department lunch meeting. Everyone in the department brings some food, we all eat, and meet. It's great (*sarcasm*). Because I am one of two secretaries, we generally organize the meeting, and sometimes we are there to clarify certain issues that may come up. Generally, we are well-respected by the staff, but on Friday, things were different. Everyone was a bit punchy. This may have something to do with the fact that the semester is over in just a couple weeks, coupled with the fact that it was Friday, attention spans were running short, and so was my temper.
I'm beginning to think that FFL and I speak different languages. We consistently have communication problems. During the meeting, FFL was giving instructions regarding a specific "hiccup" we've been having this semester. When he finished, I raised my hand, then clarified a point that he did not mention. When I said my piece, he promptly asked me if he was unclear. I guess I had reiterated some of what he already said. Obviously, he wasn't clear if I felt the need to clarify. Ugh. This incident was not the first of the day, nor was it the first ever, so by this point, I was annoyed. At that, my passive aggressive tendencies began to shine through, and I, under my breath, said something to the effect of, "I'm just going to stop talking." Well, he heard this, and scolded me by just saying my name, and then proceeded with the remainder of the meeting. I did not say another word the entire meeting, and I left promptly when adjourned. Fired up after feeling like I was shit on, I just wanted to start my weekend, and forget about the office.
Well, dontcha know, Monday morning (yesterday), he called me into his office for a meeting. Joining us in this meeting was the person just underneath of the FFL, Even-keeled Eileen. Eileen is great! I wish she were our Fearless Leader, but no such luck! I was happy she was joining us, but I was nervous about what was to come...
Bottom line: I need to check myself before I wreck myself. FFL needs to know what my PLAN is to fix this attitude problem I have. Immediately, and a bit facetiously, I stated, "I'll try better." He didn't like that. The conversation ended with me becoming frustrated to tears, and consequently, making everyone in the room more uncomfortable than they were at the start. I don't mean to cry, but I'm emotional, passionate, and I hate confrontation, so sometimes, my frustration (emotions) get the better of me. The meeting was concluded on the grounds that I would come up with a "plan" to discuss with FFL at the end of this week or the beginning of next. Whatever that means....
Shortly after this meeting, I went in to Eileen's office and asked if she and I could meet today (Tuesday). As it turns out, FFL monopolized all of Eileen's time today, so I was unable to meet with her. I had time to think about the conversation, and about my plans. I have come up with three plans of action.
(1) This plan stems from the fact that I really don't respect my FFL. In fact, I think his own vision of his position is delusional and fabricated to enhance his political standing with the higher-ups. Because of my personal feeling about FFL, I find myself unable to work with him (or look him in the eye) on a daily basis. I have issues with him as a person, but especially as a boss. My first plan of action is to find something, anything about this man that is redeemable in my eyes, or respectable, as it were. Once I find something to latch onto, I think it will be smoother sailing. This plan is NOT the plan I will be voicing to FFL.
(2) The second plan of action was inspired by the first, and it does have some bearing on the problem at hand. My work ethic is actually a part of my personality, which I guess it is for everyone. I take great pride in the work I do, whether it be in the office or at the restaurant. Even though I'm not thrilled with the positions I hold, I take great pride in the work that I do for both. It's a personal thing for me. It is part of who I am to be the best at whatever I'm doing. I take both of my jobs seriously and personally. Therefore, when I get "hollered" at or scolded, I take it very personally. This plan consists of my taking the necessary steps to separate my personal feelings from my professional position. This will take a lot of will-power, and a lot of (passive aggressive) prowess, but I think it can be done. This is the PLAN that I will voice to the FFL in a week's time.
The third (3) and final PLAN is NOT one I will tell many people, but it is one that is necessary for me to feel fulfilled with life. I need to get out of here. My PERSONAL PLAN is to get certified to teach and apply to schools. I'd potentially like to get out of here by August of 2011. I think that's doable. I'm in positions right now that are cesspools. In an office, shit rolls downhill; it rolls downhill, then it lands right on my desk. Every now and then, it overflows, that's when the problems arise. I was not meant to be in this position. I was not meant to take orders from people; I was meant to be heard. In the positions where I sit now, I don't get paid to be heard. I get paid to be shit on. I hate it.
Those are my plans, and I'm sticking to them! I'm not sure how well they will work out, but I think it's something. Clearly, I'm the one who needs a plan, because HE'S doing everything right! Whatever.
This post was originally named: Plans, Presents, and Antibiotics, but the Presents and Antibiotics will have to wait for another time. I spent too much time talking about PLANS!!!!
Oh, Happy Day!