Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Illiteracy in the Restaurant Business

My double today would have been relatively painless if more customers knew how to read! That's really my ONLY gripe for the day (other than the usual)!
First, I had the man who asks if we have draft beer, and when I say no, he continues to order a Miller Lt. Draft. I run off all the beers to him (none of which include Miller or Bud products of ANY kind), and he proceeds to ask for Coors Lt. Are you kidding?! READ THE FUCKING MENU!
Next, I have the table of "waters no ice" who order off of the vegetarian menu (which only has about six or seven items). When I deliver the food, they tell me that they didn't order what I put in front of them, "What did you order?" I say sweetly (knowing full well and good that they got what they asked for), they tell me, and I say, "Well, that's it! Enjoy!" I sent a manager over just to do a table visit, and he proceeded to tell them they got exactly what they ordered, but I still saw them fumbling through the menu looking for what they thought they had ordered. One of the women ordered a vegetarian item that is mostly a cheese dish (and is explained as such in the MOTHERFUCKING menu) and she tells me (after I've been to the table to check on them NUMEROUS times) that her dish has "too much cheese." That's what it IS you lunatic! That's what it says in the MENU! You know, that book you've been scrutinizing for an hour before ordering--you know, that thing will all the writing! Sorry about the lack of pictures! Stupid fucking bitches.
Finally, I have the skinny bitches who are sooo fucking starving that they have to order appetizers, salads, and an entree. All of our portions are huge, and we don't have such a thing as a side salad, so when I bring the salads, the women were adamant that the salads are NOT what they ordered. I tell them that they all of our salads are entree size (and it's listed with entree salads, so take the hint). The women looked at these salads like they were eating some sort of weird foreign delicacy. They were stupid. But, I blew them off, "Well, ladies, that's the beauty in boxes--anything you can't finish, I'd be happy to wrap for you. Hey, and lucky you--the dressing comes on the side!" I set their dressings down and walked away, leaving them with their gargantuan salads. Bitches.

I just don't understand WHY people's literacy rate drops the second they walk through the doors of ANY restaurant. No one can find the bathrooms, no one can read the menu, no one can read the drink specials--yet, any of the bric-a-brac (a nice word for "crap") we have on the wall, everyone reads and comments on ALL the time! I don't get it! They open up the menu to the drink page, and THEN ask what kind of margaritas we have! They are all listed and described in the FUCKING MENU! One day, I'm sure I'll snap! Someone will ask me to describe every motherfucking thing on the menu, and I will have to tell them to find a fucking translator because my job is NOT to read the menu to you--my job is to bring you the things YOU WANT off the menu! Fucking people.

Ahh...I actually have off tomorrow, which may hurt the wallet, but I have a VERY important Poppop to visit, so I'll take the cut...Double Friday though (open/close...I'm screaming already!).


KV said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with all the dumbasses. Doesn't sound fun...

Hope Poppop is doing well.

Big hugs - miss ya!

Ali said...

Ah yes.

Me: What do you want for your side?
Them: Uh... I get a side? What are my choices?

I feel your pain.

Ex-Restaurant Manager said...

Reminds me of the Einsteins who would call in for a to-go order and then ask you to read the menu to them. Yeah, sure, I've got all kinds of time, lady. Just a moment while I put you on hold. And then forget about you. Oops, my bad.

The Woman said...

I have to say that it's not just menus. People in general, even educated ones at that, simply cannot read schedules, directions, explanations, anything. I completely understand your frustration.

Tony said...

anyone who works with the public can empathize...
I had a customer once who was pissed the blackened steak had seasoning on it...did she think it was blackened due to gangrene?

Upset Waitress said...

All restaurants should do away with menu's. They are useless anyways. All the patrons should just guess what the restaurant has in their fridges.

Gypsy said...

Loved this post. There are all kinds of stupid and just when you think you have heard it all, bugger me if someone doesn't top it. Thanks for the laugh (oh I popped over from Well Done Fillet and I'm glad I did).

Masquerade said...

"I think I'll have the spaghetti."

"Uhhhh we don't serve entrees until four pm *while pointing to where it clearly states such in the menu*".

"Oh...well then I'll just have the corn chowder."

"'s not October yet *while pointing to where it CLEARLY states that chowder is served Oct-Apr ONLY!!!*"

UUUUUUugh. :P I feel your pain.